Q: I was recommended to you by my sister for some Islamic guidance for a situation I have come to find myself in:
I have been married for 13 years, and have 3 boys. My eldest son passed away under a year ago.
My Problem: My husband has been having an affair on and off with the same female for almost 8 years now. I have forgiven him twice and said lets start over. I'm a nervous wreck now that I came to learn 2 days ago that it had not stopped and heard with my own ears him on a voice note (on his cellphone) to her saying he loves her and where to meet him.
I have left home to live with my sister (is this correct). I was just too hurt after suffering the loss of my son just a couple of months ago and having to find this out after I just gave birth to our new son.
Honestly I do love this man despite it all, but I cant handle it as I suffer from anxiety and depression chronically.
I am a working mother and have helped him in all financial ways but I'm not sure if I can do this on my own with 3 kids to manage for.
His personality is, he doesn’t talk about his feelings and he can get very stubborn. I don’t know what to do, can you advise me?
A: This is a sad situation. May Allah Ta'aala grant you ease, Aameen.
He has to realise the gravity of what he is doing; the harm to the family and more importantly, the harm to his spiritual self and incurring the displeasure of Allah Ta'aala, affecting his Aakhirah.
There are two ways out for him:
1. He has to get married to her and make the relationship Halaal, but this comes with conditions, e.g. equality between wives, justice, financial capability, etc.
2. If he cannot meet any of the requirements and does not marry her then he has to break off all ties with her immediately and correct the situation, for the sake of Allah. He should go for counseling to an Aalim in his area who can make him aware of the harms of what he is involved in. It is only love and fear of Allah that keeps a person away from sin, thus he has to inculcate this within himself.
You are permitted to separate yourself from him until some understanding has been reached.
May Allah Ta'aala guide him and grant all peace, harmony, understanding and obedience to the laws of Allah, Aameen.
Moulana Yusuf Laher