Divorce

Asking for Divorce

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Q: My husband in general asked me that should he divorce me twice since I couldn't hear what he said the first time. Is this valid even though he had no intentions to say that and what I should do?

A:
He asked if he should divorce you, he did not divorce you. Asking is not a divorce.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Custody of Children

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Q: I have been married for seven years. Three kids now. But we have always had problems and they get worse.  We don't communicate at all-just the necessary  stuff.  My husband is manipulative and I used to succumb but now I have started resisting.  He wants me to fail in my endeavors. He insults me at the slightest opportunity-says I am not mar'atussaliha (a pious woman).  We disagree about many important things. He never agrees to learning or trying to change things or going for counseling.  He does not want to try.  Many times I feel like leaving him but my only concern is how my kids will fare.  Do I have the right to keep them even if I do female divorce-Khula? The oldest is six.

A:
The wife has the right to custody of boys up to 7 years of age and girls up to 9 years of age. Thereafter they will be in the custody of the father, unless he allows her to keep them longer.

Try your utmost to resolve the issues by:
1. Getting a few elders from each family to sit with both of you and discuss the issues.
2. Asking your local Aalim or a few Ulama to sit with both of you.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

One Divorce and Reconciliation

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Q: I would like to know if you have given one talaaq (divorce)and the iddat (waiting) period has passed can the man and woman still reconcile and if so, What must they do.

A:
If one Talaaq was issued and the Iddat has expired, then to get together again, a new Nikah has to be performed and a new Mahr given.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Ruling on Khula

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Q: As women I know we have rights to ask for divorce, khula. When a lady ask for divorce from her husband, does she have to return the mahr (dowry)? And can the husband and In laws force her to return any gifts, example: wedding ring, chain and earrings, watch?

A:
Khula' is when a wife requests her husband to release her from the Nikah in lieu of money or other material commodity. This is sometimes agreed upon in lieu of return of the Mahr or any other commodity or sum of money.

If it is Khula' and part of the Khula' agreement is return of those things and she agrees then it will be returned. If it is not part of the Khula' agreement or Khula' does not take place but just a normal Talaaq, then she does not have to return those things. It belongs to her.

Allah Ta'aala knows best.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Feeling like giving Divorce

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Q: If a husband says "I feel like giving you a divorce/I want to give you a divorce" in extreme anger but does not do anything after that and does not say the words of divorce or issues it, does that consititute a divorce."

A:
It does not constitute divorce.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Divorce and Gifts

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Q: If a couple decide to separate and divorce, does the girl have to return all gifts given to her the day she got married, e.g. jewellery, ring, clothing, etc? And does she have to return any gifts given to her in the time she was married?

A:
The gifts of both times belong to her. She does not have to return anything to anyone. It belongs to her. It was not given as a loan.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Kinayah Words of Divorce

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Q: I have recently learned that certain phrases uttered constitute talaaq (divorce) in Islam. I want to clarify one such utterance i made during the early years of my marriage. I once had an argument with my wife over her wanting to visit her uncle. I did not want her to go and I said something like "well if you go then don't come back." I am not sure if these are the exact words I used as this was over 10 years ago. After this I left the house and I do not know if my wife went or not. Does this statement constitute divorce in Islam?

A:
Such words are called 'Kinaayah' and will only constitute Talaaq if there was an intention of Talaaq when saying those words.

You had no intention of Talaaq when saying the words, so divorce did not take place.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

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