Marriage

Reading Wife's Messages

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Q: My husband has a habit of reading my messages on my phone. It's not that I have anything to hide from him but my mother has personal problems which she sometimes tells me about in her messages in confidence as she does not have anyone else that she can talk to which he then reads about and is always getting the wrong idea. He never tells me that he has read my messages so I am not even aware. However this time I saw him doing it and then he brought up other conversations which he read. How should I address this?

A:
If the husband has strong and valid reasons to suspect his wife of infidelity, then it is permissible for him to read her messages or her letters. However, if the grounds for suspicion are not strong enough, or merely based on hearsay, then it is not permissible for him to do so. Likewise, if he intends to spy on her for reasons other than suspected infidelity, then too, it is haraam for him to read her personal letters and messages.

You should approach him directly but decently and make it known that you are aware of this act of his and that you do not appreciate him doing so. Personal messages between you and your mother are confidential. Perhaps he will take heed and stop this habit.

Allah knows best

Mufti Siraj Desai

Breastfeeding and Marriage

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Q: Our grandmother breastfed my maternal aunt's son and my maternal uncle's daughter.Is nikkah (marriage) permissible between the cousins?

A:
Since both cousins drank milk from the same woman, they have become ‘milk’ brother and sister. Nikah between them is now eternally prohibited.

Allah knows best

Mufti Siraj Desai
Darul-Uloom Abubakr

Mehr and Gift

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Q: A couple got married recently  and Mehr was paid to the girl in the form of jewellery, however only a part of the jewellery set was considered to be Mehr and the remainder was considered as been a wedding gift, is this acceptable? And part of the set was paid for by the boys mother but the majority was paid for by the boy, is this correct?

A:
It is permissible to give jewellery as part of the mehr but the amount and value had to be stipulated and clearly mentioned, especially when all the jewellery was given at one time. It does not matter who paid for the jewellery. As long as the groom mentions how much is mehr and how much is a gift, it will be acceptable in Shariah.

Allah Ta’ala knows best

Mufti Siraj Desai

Marriage and Sodomy

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Q: I have been married to a woman and at the same time committed sodomy with other males. The question I would like to ask is that is my nikah (marriage) with my wife still valid because I heard that it takes us out of nikah? Please pray for me I have since then repented.

A:
Your Nikah is not affected. The Nikah is intact.

May Allah Ta'aala protect you, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Aggressive Husband and Separation

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Q: I read the latest question regarding separation before divorce and that the wife is not allowed to leave her home without her husband's approval.  What happens in the case of where the lives of the wife and minor children are in danger (i.e. husband is aggressive, threatens wife with a firearm and even fires a shot).  Does the wife still need to get permission for leaving her home?

A:
If she is in danger then obviously she is permitted to leave. In fact she should leave. She has a right to protect herself.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Rights of Second Wife

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Q: If a woman becomes a second wife, would she have equal rights or is she not allowed the same rights as the first wife? I pose this question as a friend was told she has no rights to demand equality as she came second in her husband's life.

A:
Both have equal rights.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Wife Masturbating Husband

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Q: Can a wife masturbate her husband until he ejaculates?

A
: It is permissible for the wife to masturbate the husband. It is not permissible for him to do it with his own hand. (Raddul Muhtaar V15 P75).

Moulana Yusuf Laher

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