Marriage

Dealing with Co-wife

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Q: My husband has told me he wants a second wife. His reasons being that he needs somebody business minded to help him in the business, as I am not. He also wants more children, as I have had a tubal ligation done after my 3rd child because of medical reasons. He says he wants to do everything Islamically. But I somehow do not believe him. We are married now for 11 years, Alhamdulillah. I do everything a housewife and mother supposed to do for their family. I do everything my husband asks me to do. I look after my family well Alhamdulillah. He asked me 1st to help him out in the business. I am trying,but it is difficult to run a house, cook, clean, see to the children, etc. and help in the business. He says I am not a person of authority and he needs somebody like that to be in his business, and that's why he wants a 2nd wife. Please help me to understand if his reasons are allowed in Islam. And I know that islam allows second wives, but how do I accept somebody else?

A:
Although it is correct that a man does not require permission from the first wife to marry another, it is his moral obligation to inform her and his kids. The second wife and kids also inherit from the deceased husband just as the first wife and kids. Not knowing about the second family can cause confusion and denial at such a time and embarrassment, especially for the second wife and kids.

Before explaining the situation to the first wife, the man has to ascertain whether he is ready for a second marriage. Having a second wife is a great financial responsibility and there are Islamic dictates too that have to be fulfilled.

He has to compulsorily share the nights equally between the two homes unless one of the wives gives up this right. Even if she gives up this right, she still has the right to rescind her decision whenever she wishes.

If she agrees to forego this right even before marrying her, she can rescind her decision after marriage and the husband will have to oblige, notwithstanding the understanding and agreement before marriage. Sharing the nights is a right given by Shari'ah and she can call on it whenever she wants and it has to be fulfilled.

There has to be fairness in the treatment of the wives. It is essential that the person who wishes to take a second wife possesses Taqwa and is conscious of his Islamic duties. If he does not have Taqwa and is negligent of his Deen, he will bring more sin and harm upon himself because of the second marriage and will invite the displeasure and curses of both families. It is only Taqwa that will push him to fulfil their rights. It is not advisable for a person devoid of Taqwa to take a second wife.

If the criteria are found in the husband and he wishes to proceed in taking a second wife, the first wife should be explained the following:

In the Qur'aan Allah Ta'aala has in His infinite knowledge and wisdom, granted the male permission of keeping more than one wife.

The word Islam means 'total submission' to the laws of Allah. The complete Shari'ah must be wholeheartedly and unequivocally accepted to qualify as a true Muslim. An integral part of the Shari'ah is the permissibility of a man taking more than one wife.

By marrying the other lady and thereby making her Halaal for himself, he has saved himself from sin, and this is commendable. These words will only have an effect on the first wife if the husband is a practicing Muslim. He should not use the Shari'ah to justify a second marriage whereas he is negligent in all other Islamic duties. 

She should resign herself to the fact that the other lady was written in his Taqdeer and no one could have prevented that and should not let this bother her. The husband must ensure her that he will fulfil her rights without decreasing any of the previous arrangements with the exception of time allocation.

It is natural for the first wife to become envious and annoyed but the husband should console and reassure her with exemplary character, forbearance and kindness. In due time, she will settle and become accustomed to the new setup.

May Allah Ta'aala grant ease, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Last Updated on Thursday, 19 March 2015 16:28

Physical and Mental Abuse

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Q: Is it right for a husband to abuse his wife mentally and physically? I'm married for 11 years and I'm a revert to Islam. In my first year of marriage my husband had an affair and would practically torture me for the other women. After that he left her and everything was fine. I've supported him morally but my husband doesn't appreciate anything I do. He beats me and swears me in front of my kids although my kids tell him to stop he swears them as well.Is this Islam? I've accepted Islam from the day my husband asked me to marry him but I didn't expect this to happen.

A:
Do not confuse a Muslim's personal actions with Islam. You are well aware that Islam totally condemns such actions. His actions are completely against the teachings of Islam. Islam never ever condones such cowardice and vile actions. He needs to sort himself out by linking to a pious scholar and rectifying his ways. Ask the Islamic scholars in your area to speak to him and make him realise the evil of such actions. If he does not change, seek forgiveness and improve his ways, he will face Allah with a very heavy burden.

May Allah Ta'aala grant realization, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Marriage in Order of Birth

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Q: I'm 23 years old this year. I am engaged to a man arranged by my parents over a year ago. Until now, my nikah (marriage) is getting very delay as my parents want my sister to marry first. She isn't engaged yet. My fiance's family eagerly wants us to marry first. I do understand my family situation, but my fiance and I want to get married soon to avoid any unnecessary problems. Do I need to wait for my sister until she gets marry? In Islam does marriage need to be according to the siblings' sequence? if not, how to keep myself to be patience?

A:
You do not need to wait for your sister to marry. You can get married before her, it is permissible. Get some elders in your family to speak to your parents and make them understand. Or get the Aalim in your area to speak to them.
May Allah Ta'aala make it easy for you, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Holiday after Marriage

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Q: After a person's nikah (marriage) is done but not ruksati (wife going to stay with the husband) is the husband allowed to take the wife on holiday? After the nikah is done but not the ruksati is the husband allowed to meet the wife by her self or go to her house and meet her?

A:
After the Nikah is done the husband and wife are Halaal for each other and now there are no barriers. He can take her on holiday, meet her, go to her house, etc. To avoid problems, why don't they get the Rukhsati over with?

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Spouses in Paradise

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Q: I would like to know if the men have their wives and also hoorul ain as their partners in jannah (paradise) and what partners do women who are unmarried or divorced or widowed get? Do women have a choice of a partner in jannah? Is it permissible to desire or make dua to be partnered with any Prophet or sahabah in jannah?

A:
Yes, the man will have his wife and Hoors in Jannah. The wife will be the queen.

Such Du'aa should not be made (in my opinion) because they are much higher than us. Allah Ta'aala knows best.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES IN JANNAH:

SPINSTER
A woman who never married in this world will be given a choice in the hereafter. She will choose any Jannati of her choice and her Nikah will be made to him. If she does not choose anyone, a male will be created from the Hoor and her Nikah will be made to this created male.

WOMAN WITH MORE THAN ONE HUSBAND
There are two opinions regarding this woman

1. She will be with the last husband.
2. She will choose one from her husbands.

Both these opinions are backed by proof. Those who say that she will be with the last husband are supported by the narration of Sayyidina Abu Dardaa' (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said that in the hereafter a woman will be with her last husband. Thereafter Sayyidina Abu Dardaa' tells Sayyidah Ummi Dardaa' not to marry someone else after him because he wants her to also be his wife in the hereafter. She narrated this when Sayyidina Mu'aawiyah (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) proposed to her (and she refused to marry Sayyidina Mu'aawiyah).

Those who say that she will be given a choice are backed by the narration of Sayyidah Ummi Habeebah (Radhiyallaahu Anhaa), wife of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam). She asked Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam) that some women had two husbands so with whom will she be in the hereafter? He answered: she will be given a choice, but she will choose the one who adopted a better character towards her.

MAN WITH MORE THAN ONE WIFE
A man with more than one wife will have all his wives in the hereafter.

(Taken from Fataawa Mahmoodiyah V3 P431/433)

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Rights of a Suitor

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Q: What are the rights of a suitor when he/she approaches a potential partner with a proposal for marriage?

A:
The potential bride is allowed to only expose her face and hands in the presence of the potential groom. He is only allowed to see that much. The rest of her body should be covered. There should be a Mahram present with her when he views her. It is forbidden for two strangers to be alone, even for the purpose of marriage. (Raddul Muhtaar V26 P 392,398 & 400)

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Day for Marriage

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Q: Is it valid and permitted to do nikaah (marriage) from the 1st of the Islamic month of Zul-Hajj?

A:
Any day is good for Nikah. To believe that certain days are not good for nikah, is merely superstition. Nikah is valid on any day.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

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