Marriage

Rights of a Suitor

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Q: What are the rights of a suitor when he/she approaches a potential partner with a proposal for marriage?

A:
The potential bride is allowed to only expose her face and hands in the presence of the potential groom. He is only allowed to see that much. The rest of her body should be covered. There should be a Mahram present with her when he views her. It is forbidden for two strangers to be alone, even for the purpose of marriage. (Raddul Muhtaar V26 P 392,398 & 400)

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Day for Marriage

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Q: Is it valid and permitted to do nikaah (marriage) from the 1st of the Islamic month of Zul-Hajj?

A:
Any day is good for Nikah. To believe that certain days are not good for nikah, is merely superstition. Nikah is valid on any day.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Additional Wife and Informing

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Q: When a husband marries an additional wife is it compulsory for him to inform the wives of each other?

A:
If he does not inform them it does not affect the validity of either marriage, but it is his moral obligation to inform them. If he does not, it can lead to complications later, e.g. if he dies then there can be a dispute with regard to the inheritance, etc.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Validity of Marriage

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Q: A girl gets married (nikah) secretly with witnesses (2 girls and one boy) but we don't even know if the boy is baalig (mature) or not. Is the marriage valid in this case?

A:
For a Nikah to be valid:

Both boy and girl must be Baaligh and sane. The girl must grant her permission to get her married to that particular boy. The boy must accept. At least two witnesses should be present. The two witnesses should also hear the declaration and the acceptance. The witnesses should be two males or one male and two females.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Wife Committing Adultery and Status of Kids

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Q: I am married for 5 years I recently found out my wife has been committing adultery for 4 of the 5 years. I have 2 kids from her but now there is doubt if the second kid is mine. Kindly advise how i can go about handling this matter regarding my wife and the second child.

A:
According to Shari'ah, both children are yours. So do not doubt the legitimacy of the second child. (Tirmidhi). 

If you can find it in your heart to forgive her, stay married to her but take precautions for the future. if you do so, Inshaa Allah you will be greatly rewarded by Allah Ta'aala. Remember that this forgiveness entails that after forgiving her, this topic should not be brought up again, whether clearly or subtly.

If you feel that you cannot manage this and that you will falter in obligations towards her, then rather divorce her. It is better to divorce her than bringing upon yourself the sin of not fulfilling obligations towards her, etc.

Do not be hasty in making a decision. Ponder over this carefully.

It will be best to keep her in your marriage if you have confidence in yourself.

Feel free to contact us if you need to.

May Allah Ta'aala guide you, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Dealing with Husband's Infidelity

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Q: I was recommended to you by my sister for some Islamic guidance for a situation I have come to find myself in:

I have been married for 13 years, and have 3 boys.  My eldest son passed away under a year ago.

My Problem:  My husband has been having an affair on and off with the same female for almost 8 years now.  I have forgiven him twice and said lets start over. I'm a nervous wreck now that I came to learn 2 days ago that it had not stopped and heard with my own ears him on a voice note (on his cellphone) to her saying he loves her and where to meet him.

I have left home to live with my sister (is this correct). I was just too hurt after suffering the loss of my son just a couple of months ago and having to find this out after I just gave birth to our new son.

Honestly I do love this man despite it all, but I cant handle it as I suffer from anxiety and depression chronically.

I am a working mother and have helped him in all financial ways but I'm not sure if I can do this on my own with 3 kids to manage for.

His personality is, he doesn’t talk about his feelings and he can get very stubborn. I don’t know what to do, can you advise me?

A: This is a sad situation. May Allah Ta'aala grant you ease, Aameen.

He has to realise the gravity of what he is doing; the harm to the family and more importantly, the harm to his spiritual self and incurring the displeasure of Allah Ta'aala, affecting his Aakhirah.

There are two ways out for him:

1. He has to get married to her and make the relationship Halaal, but this comes with conditions, e.g. equality between wives, justice, financial capability, etc.

2. If he cannot meet any of the requirements and does not marry her then he has to break off all ties with her immediately and correct the situation, for the sake of Allah. He should go for counseling to an Aalim in his area who can make him aware of the harms of what he is involved in. It is only love and fear of Allah that keeps a person away from sin, thus he has to inculcate this within himself.

You are permitted to separate yourself from him until some understanding has been reached.

May Allah Ta'aala guide him and grant all peace, harmony, understanding and obedience to the laws of Allah, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Marriage and Wife Supporting Husband

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Q: I am engaged to marry a man who is struggling financially and now wants to postpone our wedding. I was the one to encourage him starting a business and both of us were aware that it wont be easy. I now have a job that provides a good salary to start our marriage off but he states he will be punished for accepting my money and not providing for his wife. Please advise on this. He is working hard to get by but the business isn't making a profit yet. Is it wrong if we get married and I uphold the household till the business makes a profit?

A:
It is the responsibility of the husband to provide and fend for the wife, but if the wife gives happily it is permissible and there will be no sin on the husband.

Also, you are not supposed to be going out and working. If you are and no Shar'i law is being broken, e.g. Hijaab, etc. then it will be permissible, otherwise not. So if you are not contravening any law of Shari'ah and you give towards the expenses, there is no sin on anyone.

I advise to get married as soon as possible. The marriage itself will be a source of blessings, Inshaa Allah.

May Allah Ta'aala grant ease and Barakah, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

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