Wife Committing Adultery and Status of Kids

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Q: I am married for 5 years I recently found out my wife has been committing adultery for 4 of the 5 years. I have 2 kids from her but now there is doubt if the second kid is mine. Kindly advise how i can go about handling this matter regarding my wife and the second child.

According to Shari'ah, both children are yours. So do not doubt the legitimacy of the second child. (Tirmidhi). 

If you can find it in your heart to forgive her, stay married to her but take precautions for the future. if you do so, Inshaa Allah you will be greatly rewarded by Allah Ta'aala. Remember that this forgiveness entails that after forgiving her, this topic should not be brought up again, whether clearly or subtly.

If you feel that you cannot manage this and that you will falter in obligations towards her, then rather divorce her. It is better to divorce her than bringing upon yourself the sin of not fulfilling obligations towards her, etc.

Do not be hasty in making a decision. Ponder over this carefully.

It will be best to keep her in your marriage if you have confidence in yourself.

Feel free to contact us if you need to.

May Allah Ta'aala guide you, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Dealing with Husband's Infidelity

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Q: I was recommended to you by my sister for some Islamic guidance for a situation I have come to find myself in:

I have been married for 13 years, and have 3 boys.  My eldest son passed away under a year ago.

My Problem:  My husband has been having an affair on and off with the same female for almost 8 years now.  I have forgiven him twice and said lets start over. I'm a nervous wreck now that I came to learn 2 days ago that it had not stopped and heard with my own ears him on a voice note (on his cellphone) to her saying he loves her and where to meet him.

I have left home to live with my sister (is this correct). I was just too hurt after suffering the loss of my son just a couple of months ago and having to find this out after I just gave birth to our new son.

Honestly I do love this man despite it all, but I cant handle it as I suffer from anxiety and depression chronically.

I am a working mother and have helped him in all financial ways but I'm not sure if I can do this on my own with 3 kids to manage for.

His personality is, he doesn’t talk about his feelings and he can get very stubborn. I don’t know what to do, can you advise me?

A: This is a sad situation. May Allah Ta'aala grant you ease, Aameen.

He has to realise the gravity of what he is doing; the harm to the family and more importantly, the harm to his spiritual self and incurring the displeasure of Allah Ta'aala, affecting his Aakhirah.

There are two ways out for him:

1. He has to get married to her and make the relationship Halaal, but this comes with conditions, e.g. equality between wives, justice, financial capability, etc.

2. If he cannot meet any of the requirements and does not marry her then he has to break off all ties with her immediately and correct the situation, for the sake of Allah. He should go for counseling to an Aalim in his area who can make him aware of the harms of what he is involved in. It is only love and fear of Allah that keeps a person away from sin, thus he has to inculcate this within himself.

You are permitted to separate yourself from him until some understanding has been reached.

May Allah Ta'aala guide him and grant all peace, harmony, understanding and obedience to the laws of Allah, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Marriage and Wife Supporting Husband

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Q: I am engaged to marry a man who is struggling financially and now wants to postpone our wedding. I was the one to encourage him starting a business and both of us were aware that it wont be easy. I now have a job that provides a good salary to start our marriage off but he states he will be punished for accepting my money and not providing for his wife. Please advise on this. He is working hard to get by but the business isn't making a profit yet. Is it wrong if we get married and I uphold the household till the business makes a profit?

It is the responsibility of the husband to provide and fend for the wife, but if the wife gives happily it is permissible and there will be no sin on the husband.

Also, you are not supposed to be going out and working. If you are and no Shar'i law is being broken, e.g. Hijaab, etc. then it will be permissible, otherwise not. So if you are not contravening any law of Shari'ah and you give towards the expenses, there is no sin on anyone.

I advise to get married as soon as possible. The marriage itself will be a source of blessings, Inshaa Allah.

May Allah Ta'aala grant ease and Barakah, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Marrying a Shia

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Q: My friend is involved with a boy for five years. Both love each other, but the boy belongs to a Shia family. Will this marriage be permissible as my friend is a Sunni?

It is not permissible for a Sunni to marry a Shia.

The person should leave the Shia and find a Sunni partner.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Wife Beating Husband

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Q: What should a husband do if a wife beats him during an argument and what is her punishment?

In a case like this we suggest that the husband makes sabr and not retaliate. He can reprimand the wife and threaten to retaliate with force if she does it again. If this happens continuously then he should threaten the wife with talaaq (divorce), and then finally, give her one talaaq if she does not refrain from beating him.

It is a major sin for the wife to lift her hands on the husband. Allah becomes displeased with her and if she dies without gaining the husband's forgiveness, she dies under the curse of Allah.

But the husband should exercise restraint. He should not hit back unless the wife's attack is so severe that he needs to save himself from serious harm.

Then he may use minimum force.

Allah make it easy for both parties and bring about harmony in the marriage.

Mufti Siraj Desai

Marriage to a Revert

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Q: My wife is a revert to Islam. We were married 14 months ago. At the time that we were married she was still legally married to her non Muslim ex-husband from whom she had been separated for years. She had never obtained an actual legal  divorce.

This was a problem for me but the Moulana who advised us on the nikah (marriage) told us that our Islamic marriage can go ahead as it would not be registered with the authorities. Of course I was concerned about the legal issues involved but in the end I accepted the Moulana's assurances as well as her undertaking that she will get the divorce done.

To make a long story short, after a year she had still not divorced the non Muslims and has made absolutely no attempt to do so. 8 weeks ago I pronounced talaq (divorce), as I am unable to even touch her knowing that she is married to someone else.

My questions are these:

1. Are we actually married Islamically?
2. Is her dowry valid and is she entitled to it, given that she still chose to remain married to someone else?

According to the Law of Islam when a woman embraces Islam her nikah with a non-Muslim husband automatically breaks, even without the kaafir (non Muslim) husband issuing a talaaq. However, before she can remarry a Muslim this woman has to separate from her kaafir husband and spend an iddat (waiting period) of three haidh after which she will be free to marry. Therefore, if you married her after this iddat period then your nikah to her was valid and binding. There was no need to issue a talaaq.

As for the court divorce, that is of no consequence in Islam. Assuming this woman was still living with her kaafir husband then even if a court divorce was processed, you would still not be allowed to marry her Islamically since she had not passed the mandatory iddat.

We therefore advise not to worry about the court divorce. Your nikah to her was valid if it took place after three menses. If you still wish to keep her in your nikah, you can revoke the talaaq and take her back into your nikah.

The dowry you agreed upon for her was valid and binding because your nikah was valid. She is, therefore, still entitled to it. I reiterate, your wife is out of the nikah of the kaafir. She is not married to him any more.

And Allah knows best

Mufti Siraj Desai

Marriage to Wife's Sister

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Q: Are you allowed to marry your wife's sister whilst married to her?

Marriage to the wife's sister while being married to her is clearly forbidden in the Qur'aan. He can only marry her after the first sister is no longer his wife.

Allah Ta'aala knows best.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

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