Forcing Kids to Stay Away from Evil

E-mail Print PDF

Q: 1. Can parents force their adult child to stay away from wrong? The adult child is 22 years old. Are they independent?

2. Can the parents force the adult child not to chat with guys when the adult child says they don't talk about anything bad?

3. Can the parents force the adult child from going with her friends alone, her friends might have boyfriends or get calls from their boyfriends?


4. Can parents force the adult child to not go to movie theaters or watch movies that have bad scenes or very short clothing?


5. Are the parents responsible for the wrong of the adult child?


6. Can parents force marriage on the adult child?


7. example: if the adult child doing shirk, can they parents force?


The adult child says they are responsible for thier good and bad andforcing  them is making them think about leaving home...
 
A. 1. Allah Ta'aala and His Rasool (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam) has made encouragement towards good and forbidding evil an incumbent duty upon this Ummah, as can be proven from verses of the Qur'aan and many Ahaadeeth.

This will apply even more to those whom are close to one and even more to one's own children. 
Allah says in the Qur'aan: O PEOPLE OF IMAAN, SAVE YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILIES FROM A FIRE WHOSE FUEL IS MAN AND STONES… (Surah Tahreem).

Irrespective of whether the children are young or old, the parents have a right to admonish, advise, apply preventative measures and even force them to stay away from wrong. It is a corrupt western notion that when a child reaches eighteen or twenty-one then the child is independent and cannot be told anything by the parents. The verse mentioned above does not mention an age limit.

2. Speaking to members of the opposite gender is not allowed, irrespective of the type of discussion, unless there is a dire need, and that too, with application of the laws of Hijaab.

3.
A female will leave the house when there is a need and in the company of a Mahram. Going out with other girls who have boyfriends is obviously not allowed. People get affected by the company they keep. 

4.
Watching movies is not permissible, a waste of precious time and futile. Whether there are bad scenes in it or not, it is not permissible and the parents have a right to stop their children from watching movies. 

5.
Although the parents have a duty to admonish and advise even their adult children, the adult child will carry the burden of the wrong committed. Yes, if the parents know of the wrong of the child and are negligent in admonishing the child, they can be questionable regarding their negligence. Once parents have fulfilled their duty of admonishment and advice, they will not longer bear the burden of their children’s wrong doing.
 
6. Parents can strongly encourage the child to get married, but cannot 'force' them. Ultimately the child has to consent otherwise the marriage cannot take place.

7. If the parents are 'forcing' towards good then the child should obey. The parents should also understand that they should advise with wisdom and consideration and they should be practicing what they preach to their children. They best form of advice is one's own actions. 

The children should realise that generally parents want the best for their children and at times become over-zealous in this regard. 

If there is a conflict between the parents and the children in these matters, they should sit and discuss each others view points in a calm manner and come to a mutual understanding. If need be, get a level-headed pious person to attend this discussion who can advise both sides. Leaving the house is not a solution to the problem.

May Allah Ta'aala grant harmony in every home, Aameen. 
 
Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai